I'm having a rough day. I'm feeling down, discouraged, uninspired. My self esteem (whatever that is) has plummeted and I keep telling myself that I'm unlovely, unneeded, unwanted- a failure. Days like this are not abnormal. I know there are many of you who, unfortunately, can relate only too well with what I'm describing. But the thing that hit me today was the sudden realization that I haven't had a day like this in a while. There was a time when this was my everyday. Depression covered my eyes like a gray curtain that I could never dream to have the strength to pull back.
That was my then, but not my now. Now I'm happy. I really am a happy person who loves her life. My brow furrows as I type those words that I know are true even though it feels strange and foreign to say that today. But the sunshine reminds me that what I'm feeling isn't what is true. I am lovely. I am wanted. I am not failing in every part of my life.
So I lift my chin high, push back my shoulders and stubbornly refuse to believe what my heart is telling me. I'm not listening to you, Deceiver. I know what is the truth- clouded and blurry though it may seem right now.
Days like these are becoming rarer and rarer in my life. I'll focus on that. On how I'm being rescued, instead of on the trace remains of this curse that haunts me.
The sun is shining today. I think a ray just broke through the clouds.
You are lovely. So very lovely. I look forward to seeing you on our weekends off. I enjoy your spirit. There is just something so very welcoming about you. It's such a blessing.
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